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Automakers' new problems - vampires and bears
By Michael Fumento
Toyota complaints keep pouring in to the National Highway Safety Administration, and some are pretty darned bizarre. But most are less so than a Colorado woman's woman's claim that a vampire attacked her Chevy Blazer.  | | Subaru killed my mommy! |
The 58-year-old woman, whom police said appeared to be drug- and alcohol-free said smashed her SUV into a canal while escaping from one of the undead. "Authorities told KKCO-TV that the driver claimed she spotted the bloodsucker while driving on a dirt road outside Fruita, Colo., on Sunday - so she threw the car into reverse in an attempt to escape" and rolled into a ditch.
No word yet on whether DOT Secretary Ray LaHood will propose making as mandatory equipment on all new cars both crucifixes and containers for holding fresh garlic. And mind, ye cynics, we know events transpired as she said because nobody would ever lie about why they got in an accident.
In a more "grizzly" accident, the driver of a 2006 Subaru Impreza submitted multiple complaints to NHTSA stating:
I HIT A BEAR AT 55MPH WITH THE CRUISE CONTROL ON. THE BEAR LEAPED OFF THE BANK IN DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF THE VEHICLE. THE CRASH THAT RESULTED IN THE BEAR BEING KILLED INSTANTLY, ABOUT 600 LBS. OF BEAR. THE CAR CAME TO AN INSTANT HALT WITH THE FRONT END BEING PUSHED BACK, LIGHTS,GRILLE,FENDER, HOOD, ECT. NO AIR BAGS DEPLOYED. AFTER CALLING SUBARU OF AMERICA, I WAS ADVISED TO LET MY INSURANCE HANDLE IT, BUT AFTER MUCH ARGUMENT WAS ASSIGNED A CASE NUMBER OF 1020805 BY SUBARU. THIS IS NOT A INSURANCE PROBLEM, THIS IS SUBARU PROBLEM.
Actually, it sounds like the party with the biggest problem was the poor bear. Aside from that, the air bag failure is cause for concern but the focus on the cruise control and blaming Suburu generally would seem . . . well, actually would seem pretty typical these days.
But I cheated; actually the accident was reported in 2007. Right about when the bear that played "Gentle Ben" went missing . . .
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